Normal to Weak

This week has found me feeling weak. 

If I’m honest, the past couple of weeks have found me feeling weak.

No one thing has made me feel this way, but a series of heart-wrenching circumstances in my friend’s lives, weighty decisions in my family’s lives, and various commitments–some more social and fun, and others more sobering and ministry/calling related. (To clarify: ministry and calling related things CAN be social and fun as well–and often are–but the task of sharing God’s Word is a weighty prospect, and in timeframes amidst a whirlwind of ministry needs and great hurts of those I love, it can feel especially weighty and hard. )

And as I walk through all of these varied situations….these varied roles…these varied expectations….I am more and more aware that I am weak. I pray and I pray…and I am weak.

Oh, sure, I have beautiful glimpses of God’s sovereignty, of God’s grace, but I find that as I face the tasks and expectations before me, I am weak.

In so many ways, I wonder, “How is this ever going to come together? How can I ever do Your will today?”

I begin to see all of the ways I have been “less than”…all the ways I am the wrong person for the “job”…I begin to listen to the recording in my head that tells me I’m not good enough…I’m not smart enough, clever enough, wise enough, gifted enough…I’m not kind enough, holy enough, worthy enough…

And when those “enoughs” aren’t enough, I begin to go to the “worsts” in my role as a friend, a wife, a mom, and a Christ follower. I begin to disqualify myself over and over again.

I grow weaker and weaker.

I grow more and more afraid.

I grow more and more doubtful.

Nothing feels “normal” anymore.

I want to hide.

Have you ever felt that way?

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this (though in those moments of weakness I can begin to convince myself that I am).

What do you do when you’re weak?

Do you retreat further into yourself? 

Do you try your best to put on your happy face and pretend that everything is “normal”?

OR, do you recognize this shift from “normal” to “weak” and, transparently, call out for reinforcements?

Do you cry out to God, and invite others to do so on your behalf?

Do you lay your weakness, your fears and your doubts, at the feet of your Savior?

Do you remember that He is sitting upon the throne of grace, eager to sympathize with you in your weaknesses (Heb 4:15-16)?

What shifts your heart and mind from feeling “stuck” in your weakness?

What helps you find strength?

There has been a popular witty theme making the rounds of Christian living memes the last year or two…”I need a little bit of coffee, and a whole lotta Jesus”….or “Fueled by coffee and Jesus.”

Who doesn’t love a cup of strong coffee while reading the promises of God and relying upon the far-stronger-than-caffeine Jesus?!  (I personally believe the pairing of a steaming cup of black coffee and God’s Word is a delight close to perfection, though I can’t find chapter and verse to support this.)

Seeing those memes and sipping my own coffee this week left me wishing that coffee would somehow add to my strength. 

I was a weak woman, feeling so insufficient… so less than enough… so very, very weak to accomplish the tasks before me. I was desperate for strength.

In the midst of this hard week, I made a much-needed grocery store run. So many things on the list, but especially urgent was another bottle of shampoo. 

I, uneventfully, went straight to the aisle and the section where my “usual” shampoo was found.  And, right next to my “normal” choice was THIS possibility.

The spiritual metaphors within this choice made my heart beat faster and my mind grow giddy. Caffeine infusion for my hair?? A promise of “thick and full” for my “normal to weak”??

I nearly cried at the prospect. If EVER I needed something to infuse more caffeine, more “thick and full” to my life, it was now.

I considered the abundant life Jesus has promised His followers (so opposite of the destruction of life the devil seeks; John 10:10). Thick and full, and fortified—so opposite of what my thought life was doing to my heart, mind, and soul.

I considered the breakdown of normal to weak—how something had lost its fullness, its nourishment, its vibrancy–how it needed strengthening and reinforcement.

I considered how the right “ingredient” could fuel or power strength in a weak condition. 

And, I considered, how God’s Word, particularly God’s GRACE, is the “right ingredient”….how it is “all-sufficient” and how it makes the weak to be strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I considered the invigorating energy and power that comes from caffeine—the focus, the zeal, the endurance–and how it is similar (though not even close in caliber) to the focus, the zeal, and the endurance that is ours through the Holy Spirit. 

I grew excited about the potential physical expression of a spiritual principle, as I considered massaging this shampoo (and conditioner) into my scalp.

I considered the amazing timing of this product, just when I was feeling SO.VERY.WEAK. and SO.VERY.NOT.ENOUGH. (not to mention the so.very.weak. state of my fine, middle-aged, ever thirsty hair).

SOLD. 

Because I thought it would “fix” my weakness or my problems? NO. (I’m not even convinced it will “fix” my weak hair)

But because it could serve as a small reminder of the many ways the Lord provides His strength in our weakness and the ways His provision of grace and strength are FAR GREATER than the most potent cup of caffeine.

Because this weak woman finds great delight in letting her physical expressions remind her of spiritual truths. 

And, right now, she is desperate to remember that when she is weak, He is strong.  

When she is imperfect, His power is made perfect. When she is not enough, HE is. 

(And, hey, let’s face it….if my hair benefits in the process, that is a blessing beyond what I could have asked for or imagined, too, right?!) 😉

How can YOU walk in that reminder today?